If you talk to your mom pretty often, then you know exactly what I mean by this title. Our moms try to make us feel better by telling us lies or giving us compliments that aren’t helpful and may possibly be destructive. Why am I being so dramatic about a compliment from my mom? She can promote bad behaviors with her comments without realizing so.
“You’re perfect the way you are.” – mom
I know, it’s really sweet when our parents tell us that we’re perfect, but I’ll let you know something right now: we’re not. We have many flaws in each of us and being told that we’re perfect the way we are and that there is absolutely no need to improve in any way is just a lie. It hinders our overwhelming need to strive for better. You can’t succeed if you don’t try, and you won’t try if there’s no reason to.
“You do not look fat.” – mom
I will explain to my mom about my gym and dieting habits, and she’ll respond with, “You don’t need to do that. You’re not fat.”
Once again, I understand the sweetness of that comment. Moms don’t want us to feel insecure about our bodies. Many mothers feel that they were talked to negatively by their own mother, so they now feel that they have to overcompensate so you won’t feel insecure. It’s a really nice gesture, but it’s not helpful for self-improvement. I’m not saying our moms should call us fat, but I am saying that they should support any type of health improvements instead of convince us to quit them and just stay at home eating homemade cookies all day. You know that’s what they really want.
“You could just quit your job and come live with me.” – mom
Any time I’m complaining about work or money to my mom, this is usually her response. I’m twenty-two years old and my mom wants me to still be living at home. It’s sweet and comforting to hear, but it really doesn’t help my current situation. I don’t want to mooch off of my parents anymore. They don’t make much money and I would be a financial strain when I’m a capable adult. I want to be independent, which was the entire reason I moved out. I want to make my own decisions and live each day without the constant influence of my mother’s opinions. She’s not giving me any advice. She’s telling me to give up and move back at home where she’ll cook me dinner and comment on my outfit before leaving the house every day for the rest of my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my mom. I talk to her at least once a week over the phone or in person and we text pretty often throughout the week, but it’s important to have boundaries and independence. All of this just makes me wonder if I will be this overbearing as a mother… probably.
What are some things your parents tell you when they’re trying to help but they’re actually doing the complete opposite?