Personal Outlook

Destructive/Abusive Relationships

Hello, all. I was scrolling through Facebook earlier when I saw a post about female on male abuse in relationships, and I was reminded of a destructive relationship I was in back in high school. I thought I’d share for anyone else who finds themselves in a relationship that doesn’t feel healthy.

I met this guy towards the end of my junior year, and he was known for being a really sweet guy. Everyone had nothing but nice things to say about him. We went on a few dates where he brought me flowers and was afraid to kiss me. Our relationship was sweet until the first “I love you” from me where he just awkwardly put his shoes on and left then made fun of me behind my back. He eventually turned into someone who had no respect for my feelings and didn’t understand that “no” meant “no.”

For him, “no” only meant to continue to nag, annoy, and force me into situations I didn’t want. He didn’t take anything seriously, which would make situations escalate pretty quickly. We would be playing around and then before I knew it, I was on the floor with my arms being pinned down and he wouldn’t let me up even after I said I was done and didn’t want to play anymore.

This started to make me afraid and I felt that I had no control. If I ever opposed, I was pinned to the floor again and unable to get up. He held my arms down one time for so long that I had to start crying and tell him I was freaking out for him to finally let me go. And then I realized, crying works with him. He understands I’m serious when I cry (I know, uh oh) so I started crying more often to get him to stop hurting me or leave me alone because even saying “stop, you’re hurting me” wouldn’t stop him.

Then, the crying stopped working and the only way to get him to stop was by hitting or punching him. So he would wrestle and push me around until I got scared or upset and then I would hit or punch him. He liked the drama of it. He loved how destructive we were and how upset he made me all the time. He would get me to these points where I would tell him to leave and I didn’t want to see him anymore and then he would somehow force me into allowing him to stay in my house.

The rest of the relationship was emptiness and abuse. We both were using emotional and physical abuse with one another. I could never see it while I was in the relationship, but there were so many signs that it wasn’t healthy. My sister would hear us fighting and tell me that I should just break up with him because I wasn’t happy, but I kept insisting I was happy and that we loved each other and that sometimes love is hard. It shouldn’t ever be that hard though.

Don’t worry, I took some time off of love to find myself again after this destructive time in my life. I was nothing when we broke up, so I had to rebuild from scratch. I have friends again who are more stable than my old friends, and I have a loving boyfriend who never fights with me or forces me into anything I don’t want to do.

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