Hello, all! I’ve noticed in a lot of movies and stand-up comedy that people like to poke fun at the idea that we actually like someone when a sexual attraction is there. They will make commits like, “When I first saw her, I knew I wanted to have sex with her at least once.” We all laugh because there seems to be some truth behind it and I’ve been wondering about that idea of dating and love. I find it odd when two adults get together and commit to a relationship without having sex first. To me, I really wonder how two people could like each other without the mystery and thrill of that first time still lingering.
I know I’m speaking from my own perspective, and I can respect relationships where people have decided together to make a commitment without sex. For me, it just seems very weird. I don’t think I would be able to do it. I prefer to get to know someone by going on a few dates, have sex with them, and then decide from there if the attraction continues to be there. Because I’ve noticed from experience that the magic kind of disappears after that moment and then you’re left with the realization that you either really like this person for who they are or it was just an attraction to this person physically and slightly emotionally (i.e. they make you laugh, they’re really smart, etc.). It wasn’t really a long-term connection.
Also, when you develop a slight crush on someone, you don’t really fantasize about the relationship part. Like that would be cool to envision some type of romantic fantasy where they’re just perfect for you, but that’s incredibly unfair and not realistic. It seems more realistic when you like someone to fantasize about kissing them or things like that. You can actually imagine what those things would feel like. Then, they could either live up to your expectations or not. That will become more of a deciding factor on the chemistry between the two.
I have read in a few psychological studies that your initial attraction to someone fades away after about four months. I feel like mine will linger longer without any type of definitive boundaries on the relationship. But that’s the first section of a relationship where you two can’t keep your hands off of each other. I’ve been in a few relationships where that was all it needed to be. Anything more than that became a depressing chore that made us both incredibly uncomfortable and irritated with one another. It’s passing that point and still feeling the same that actually establishes true long-term feelings for someone else. I guess I feel that we shouldn’t trust our own emotions during the initial honeymoon stage. It lies to you.
Just some random thoughts I’ve been having for today. Have you ever had a big crush on someone for a long time and then the magic stopped once you became physical? Are you more of a person who prefers not to have sex until a big commitment? Are you someone who needs absolutely no commitments?