I truly believe that all people have potential and value. It might not be a realistic way of viewing humanity, but I really do believe that each person’s life is valueable, even after they’ve screwed it up. I can admit when someone is too far gone to be saved (I don’t mean that religiously), but even then, I am more likely to blame circumstance, opportunity, and mental health before believing that people are simply born evil and rotten.
Background For Post.
With that blatant disclaimer out of the way, I wanted to discuss the feeling of being cherished by someone you don’t really think about. I have an ex-boyfriend that still talks about me a lot to people we know. He keeps up with what’s going on in my life and does research on anyone he hears I’m dating. He’s gone as far as listening to my current boyfriend’s podcast (the episodes are over an hour and he’s listened to multiple) and judging to see if they are similar or equally funny/talented.
Some people might say that’s a little normal after the end of a relationship, but we broke up seven years ago. I was fifteen years old when we broke up. I did consider it my first real relationship where I felt that I truly loved someone, but I was still a child during that time. I was completely immature and threw fits. I acted like a kid who was fourteen would act. We dated for about a year before deciding we weren’t going to be together forever so we ended it. Actually, he ended it.
He bothered me a lot for the first couple of years. He tried to play mind games or publicly embarrass me, but I ignored it. I figured it would eventually blow over. I moved on and dated other people. If you’ve read one of my older posts, I mention an intensely abusive relationship I was in for a year and a half that completely changed who I was as a person (even that relationship has faded in my mind). I have aged so much and changed so much in the last seven years. So it’s surprising to me that my ex-boyfriend from so long ago still talks about me this much.
We have a mutual friend. She and I became friends years later when they weren’t talking, but they’ve recently rekindled their friendship. I never really thought about him and almost forgot we had even dated. His family doesn’t live in that old house anymore, I don’t talk to anyone from that time period except my current friend. Things have changed. I don’t really sit around and think about it. I’m just discovering through my friend that he still analyzes everything I do and say and believes it is somehow related to him.
My boyfriend and I don’t like it. My ex-boyfriend had embarrassed me on a local show a few months ago by mentioning my name and saying we were still in love. That’s how all of this realization started. He calls it all a joke and says that we overreacted to it. He thought it would be a fun inside joke for everyone we know… The thing is, a lot of people we both know around the area had no idea that we dated. I don’t talk about it or mention it. It was so long ago.
Significance For Him. Nothing For Me.
Our mutual friend took his side and tried to make me understand that from his point of view, I was the last girlfriend (or boyfriend) he has had that fully accepted and understood him for who he was. I try to understand and accept all people. I try to see what others have to offer the world and then encourage them. I too sometimes feel lonely and worthless, so I want to help others not feel that way. This experience really put things into perspective on how much of a lasting impression we make on others. I was simply kind to him. I really did like him a lot, but that was almost a decade ago. Do I now owe him something for caring then?
Has no one else really showed him any type of kindness? I have been kind and loved so many people since then. I have taken chances and delved into deeply intense and personal relationships with other people. I have stood on the sidewalk, crying, as I said goodbye to a completely different relationship I thought would last forever. I am now in another committed relationship that I have been in for years where we really are planning our futures together with the assumption that we will be together forever.
As much as I love all people, I do believe that people stay in your life for seasons. I don’t really believe that anything is permanent. Things feel right at the moment and we must cherish them at the time, but they will change. Nothing stays the same forever. For me, to dwell on something that happened when I was a child would be silly. I want to move on and move forward to experience new things.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Our mutual friend finally realized that his interest in me isn’t natural behavior. She used to always defend him and thought we were overreacting to his quirkiness, but she finally told him that she also thinks his “obsession” with me isn’t just friendly. He always told her that I believed he was still in love with me so he would play along because he thought that’s what I wanted, but I literally just don’t even want to think about it. Not because it was a bad experience, but I just also don’t really sit around and think about the girl who was my best friend in seventh grade before we had a falling out in high school. It’s just not relevant to any part of my current life.
If you still read this far, thanks. You’re a trooper. Just wanted to use this blog as a way of understanding complicated relationships and meanings for different people.